Dumb Dumb Dumb ( Sequel to Akal De Basanti)

This is my first sequel blog - and I am sort of vindicated by the views in my previous blog. Few of my colleagues/friends insisted that I am "little" harsh on the review in the last blog. I would like to assume that the rest of them agreed with me.

Okay what is this sequel about. Its about something I saw on TV on saturday. I was watching news channel and one of the cast of "Akal de Basanti" proclaiming " I dont know what Narmada Bachao Andolan is all about. I dont know why there is a dam. I dont know the implications of raising the height of the dam. I dont know what the judgement of Supreme Court was in this matter. I am unaware of anything except the movies I have acted in but what I want is that poor people should get justice". At one point of time, one of the journalist asked him " Why are you opposing the raising of height of the dam". The guy shameless replies " I am not aware of what height of dam will do. Do you know". The journalist replies " It will increase the storage capacity and also more electricity can be generated". Still shameless this DUMB DUMB DUMB guys replies " Are you sure?" Then goes back to his one point agenda "I am with poor people".

You see - what happens when dumbos in our country speak about things they hardly know about.

The next day this guys wants to be compared to Mahatma Gandhi. He calls burning of posters as violence and what not. His one point agenda was to be with poors.

God ..please make him poor.

I cant see him suffer like this - for some cheap publicity - his love for poor is way beyond anything I have ever seen.

I declare this guy the cheapest publicity trickster of 2006 - I see him distributing Coca-cola to eradicate poverty in the Narmada basin. And titan watches too !!

Akal De Basanti

Okay guys. I am back after a long time - for the first time I am going to do a review on a movie I saw. It was called "Rang de basanti" - in english it would mean "give me colors - basanti" However I think they could asked for "Akal de basanti" because they were all colored guys and one of the things they lacked was "common sense". Asking for intelligence would have been way too much. Dumbness is the enemy of patriotism and a dumb guy can never be a patriot just like an illiterate guy can never be a scientist. This theory is labelled as mutual exclusiveness of conflicting traits.

The music or the lack of melody in it put me to sleep during the movie. And talking of the movie, one act of stupidity was followed by another.

So basically there were 4 or 5 senseless morons who did nothing but fool around like drinking and driving and other such stuff. And then they somehow got into making a documentary with this firang girl with great "ankh" - you know what I mean :) . And since they were morons, one day they wanted to kill someone out of the blue. One politician who was involved in corruption. Because some guy died in Mig crash and they were lathi charge on a protest rally .

Let me tell you one thing . I have been a victim of lathi charge myself when I was 12 but I never want to kill the policeman that did it. He did it because of his duty. If the policeman asks the crowd to disperse,they should disperse else face consequence. This law is called the law of karma. You will get the consequences of what you do.

Okay this fighter pilot guy died in crash. Did this guy not know of history of MiG planes before selecting his job. India is not a rich country and we have to do with older planes we bought from Russia. Every army job has its risks. Just because one guy died we go against our very own government. US has more than 2000 army men killed in Iraq but all americans are with the american army( not necesarily supporting Bush).

Its good to expose corruption . There are courts - there are laws. Murdering a man because of corruption is something that can only be found in Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia. That is the last thing that we Indians want to become. If the supreme court doesnt act favorably even after reasonable evidences, then I can understand what you are doing.. otherwise you evoke no sympathy. Sorry guys !!

The worst character was that of the lady who just because she lost her boyfriend incited the rest of them to do stuff that they shouldnt have done anyway. But the guys were totally moron - And even God doesnt help morons as the climax proved.

And the Hindu-Muslim, things howmany times we need to see it in a movie. Howmany times ... Its just so sick - watching it again and again. Dont you have anything else to say.

The verdict : Only morons will like it.

Interview with X

..no..no .no I was giving the interview.

There is a room ( please note this term carefully , this is the most important term for this blog) - the door was of glass ( attributes, aggregation or composition... you will understand this as you end to read this)

So I was waiting..and surprise surprise... X comes who seemed to be taking my interview. He was with another guy but he is inconsequential guy and we can ignore him except for the testing part ( ok another forward reference).

So this X smiles at me. I pretend to smile back - it was a surprise smile - the kind of which when I get when I see an honest traffic cop who doesnt demand bribe from his victim ( directly or indirectly).

Lets not digress.. X and me ( just like Coldplays new album X&Y)...and this inconsequential guy..
(lets call him epsilon where epsilon is less than 1.0e-05)

X and epsilon is apparently about to take my interview. Now this scenario I had never imagined because I was not in army or navy. I was in software. And I know of couple of Xs and how they fixed Microsoft STL code to fix the crash in their application. I wondered he could have been in one of those project where they fix bugs like that.

Anyway..

X : Hi Porcupine

Me : Hi X.

X : I have a copy of your written test. Its reasonably good. I am going to ask
some design questions

Me : ok

X: How do you design

Me : You mean software design.

X: Yeah

Me : *mumbling to myself..How do i design* That depends on the problem. We analyse the problem. Find out the software, tools etc available ...blah blah....

X : Lets design .. in software..something

Me : as in ?

X : * looks around the room*

Me : * follows his eyes*

X: how about designing this room.

Me : * now what does this mean...room designer..ask the builder..ask the artitect
why ask me* You mean as an architect?

X : No software design

Me: Software for design of the room or software to simulate the room's existence

X: *in a happier tone* the latter

Me : So a software simulation of a room

X: Yes

Me : *pretends to think* Well we can make room as a class....door as a....
blah
blah
Objected oriented blah blah
blah

X: How will you ensure that the light is off or on ?

Me : Member variable blah blah

X: What about whether or not the door is closed?

Me : Is this software for security system or something like that

X: You can assume so..

Me : *whats happening yaar* blah blah

But if we are designing from creating design of the building we will have a singleton
blah blah blah

X : *looks pretty pleased*

X : * looks at the other guy*

Epsilon : So how do you test this software ?

* stunning silence follow this extraordinarily intelligent question*

Me : * oh my God* ...invariant, preconditions, test cases ..blah blah

Finally somehow the interview got over. There was sort of consensus of things - that we didnt know much stuff. They realised that they didnt know a lot and I realised I didnt know any stuff.

Thus ended this historic interview !!

Mere Sapno Ki..

It has been six years for me as a software engineer and whereas it has been a fashion to bash politician for being corrupt, my regard for anyone who claims to be software engineer/software manager or whatever they call themselves has diminished. At this moment of this, I have slightly less loathe for politicians than these so called IT guys ( there are few exceptions however).

A so called software guy from Infosys happened to be on the same train as me. The train journey was 50 hours or so. On the last day, he asked the caterer to make the bill for a larger value than he has actually consumed. ..wait a minute...isnt this guy supposed to earn a lot of money in Infosys . How can Rs100 or Rs 200 earned in this dishonest way going to help him. When I thought about what this guy was telling about in the last 40 hours..most of it was directed towards the corrupt politicians et al. I thought if this guy was a politican and if he could, he would have sold India - thank God - our politicians are not selling our country.

So when guys in Intel were fired for faking bills, there was no one more happy than me. Atlast something has been done right.

I know the work of a sale's girl in a software company. I wont reveal the name of the girl or the company ( and if you know them) dont post it for obvious reasons. What they had to do as their job is to get an English name and say "Hey I am Jenifer, Why dont you buy our product". What a nobel profession!! You lie about your own name but you are the respected IT sales girl. Or even guy. There is not even a single reason why prostitutes should not consider herself to be having more self-respect than you.

I have know software engineers to "negotiate" about their salary ( There are 2 words I hate - negotiation and compromise. ) So what is this negotiation like. Believe it or not it is worse than what pimps might do. 50$...okay 30$ and there they stop..take it ( or her) or leave it. But these software guys and girls will stoop to any level to ensure they get more money. For example guy X is getting 4000$ per month in its company, he gets an offer of $4500 per month in another company. What does he do. He gives a dummy resignation in his present company and asks for $4600 salary. Once he's got that , he goes to the company who gave him the offer and BEGS for $4700 . This goes back and forth till one of the company tells X - "Enough negotiations dude" ( This example is real - the name of the companies involved wont be revealed - the salary given is fictious).

Then I know someone who used to give dummy resignation every six months and his salary increased 1 or 2% every six months. Why do companies have such guys is a mystery to me.

There are lot of such stories I know about the so-called profession called IT. It clearly aint no noble profession. Prostitution is one profession that is very honest comparitively. You give this - you take this. No hidden charge. No hidden burdens.

Jealousy and Child Marriage

I have come across various article against child marriage in recent time. Made me thinking
( and blogging) !!

What is child marriage ? It is a marriage between two childs. I dont see any problem here. Why should it be. If it was a marriage between an adult and a child, there is a problem. There is nothing unethical in child marriage between 2 kids. They are some who say education is more important than child marriage. I ask them how is child marriage related to education. There is no correlation between marriage and illiteracy. Marriage may infact inspire both the guy kid and the girl kid to study more and better. Another set of argument is that they dont know about each other or about the world. Damn..... but I think gen X kids be it urban or rural area know more about world and profit-booking than the present generation of adults. Did you forget the MMS action in Delhi ?

Anyway it is not only difficult but impossible to understand girls. So why waste time ? Havent you seen girl kid interested in makeup and the guy kid in trying to impress her. What is going to change when they reach adulthood.

Why play a villian in "imposing" what we want them to do ? If they want to marry why not or if their parents want them to marry and the kid have no problem why not ? It is difficult to make kids do things which they dont like anyway.

On the other hand child marriage has lot of advantages. In this time of divorces, if the divorce happens at an early age that not so bad. Imagine someone marrying at 27 and then divorcing at 32. It is a no-win situation from there. Or for that case where the guys become super-intellectual...like Sir Isaac Newton , then it would be impossible to find a girl for him. Same goes for girl becoming more intelligent than she should be. Lastly but not leastly if you think about profit-booking, you will realise...child marriage has a positive role to play in profit booking. Researches have shown that people book more profit if they marry early. So the earlier the better.

So I simply dont understand why the need for hue and cry about child marriage. Forced marriage is something I am totally against. Marrying a child to an adult is a serious moral , ethical and legal issue..But prevention of child marriage... Come on ? Go and mind your own business. Okay ?

Understanding Science Better

You might be surprised to know that I still remember Newtons 1st law of motions - very much like the laws of thermodynamics. I studied it more than 10 years ago for the first time. Crammed it and got highest marks in Physics. I saw the follow through of a fast bowler in cricket and realised that yes this is correct. But did I understand it fully. In retrospect, I didnt understand it at all. Newton didnt want us to understand this only in physical sense but also as a law of human tendency. There was a hidden message which most of us missed.

But one day just like the apple fall incident, I tried to co-relate many events in behavioural space and suddenly realised that this hold true for how things workin the system -atleast when applied to system where human are involved. There are two domains - humanistic non-behavioural domain and humanistic beharioural domain.

Before I explain you the details, lets revise 1st law of motion by Sir Issac Newton, the greatest scientist had to say ."If an object is in motion with an eastward velocity of 5 m/s, they will continue in this same state of motion (5 m/s, East) unless applied by external force which is not balanced."

Lets apply this one humanistic non-behavioural domain. A pretty girl would continueto look pretty unless someone throws acid on her or the force of large time does some damage or you increase the bank balance of some plastic surgeon. This is not very difficult to understand but nevertheless it is an important concept. So wheenever you see a girl, you must remember this. So if you see a pretty girl and wish she be ugly, dont just wish - you have to provide the extra force. You know what I mean.HCl or H2SO4 you have to decide.

The more important thing is the application of Newtons 1st law on behaviorul domain.This says that a girl who is nice would be continue being nice till something horribly wrong goes. Same holds for a bitch or for a dog.

Remember profit booking. The ones who are booking profit would keep on booking profit and the ones who are not will keep on not booking. The ones who booked yesterday will book it today. Unless there has to be a force which is not balanced.

So rise up and let the force flow to change the inertia of the system, the inertia of the society, to get what you want and to book handsome ( or beautiful depending on who you are and what you want) profits.

The Art of Profit booking

What is profit booking ? Suppose I buy 100 shares of sail at Rs 27 each and sell them at Rs 50, I have booked profit or in other words I have done profit booking. But what is the role of profit booking in one's life especially if he or she doesnt indulge in stock market. Profit booking is the base on which life revolves and those who missed the point are the losers in this life.

In life, everyone is on lookout for profit booking. What does this mean ?It means that everyone wants to extract maximum from whatever little they have. For example - if you buy a Allen Solly shirt for Rs 1000 and it last just 6 months that implies that Allen Solly has booked profit on you. If you buy a shirt for Rs 50 in fashion street and you wear it for 2 years day in and day out..that means you have booked profit. Now that you have begun to understand better - let me warn you that profit booking is not limited to buying or selling. Its an universal concept. It is the concept that world thrives on. Some one once told - all people are selfish. This doesnt tell us much . But consider this - life is all about profit booking. This has a bigger range of appeal.

All dealings involve profit booking. For example, if someone is losing, someone else is surely gaining. In any deal between two individual or two distinct entities, profit booking is involved and everyone is booking profits.There might be guys or gals who might be saying "See I am booking your profit"but thats true as the existence of a red elephant.

So one has to be always on a lookout for individuals on whom you can book profits. Sometimes you might pay Rs 1000 and still book profits. There is a concept of partial profit booking as well. Its like not exactly getting the whole of profit as you wanted but getting whatever you can without getting into trouble. In some circumstances, partial profit booking is the best policy. The description of such circumstance is beyond the scope of this blog and once you understand this concept I might come back to this later.

The art of profit booking greatly depends on timing. Suppose you had a chance of profit booking but you dont book it. But then you might not get the same chance tomorrow. Worse still, someone else might book profits on you. That would be really bad.

All profit booking activites involves risk just like stock market. The successfull people are those who take calculated risks.

Here is a prayer you must say everyday.

Lord
Thou art in heaven.
Give me the art to book profits.
Give me the art to avoid being booked profit on.
Give me some bookable girls
Give me the shamelessness to say I never book profit.
Amen

Application of newtons 1st law on profit booking is something I will cover when I explain to you Newtons 1st law in non-physical space. That should be in next blog.